I have been frustrated with church lately...not just ours, but church in general. The body of Christ has seemed very different from what I read about in the Bible and from what I am so deeply thirsting for. I have not felt much hope for things to change, to be vibrant, to be active like the Acts 2 church...so when Mike suggested that we go to church twice yesterday I was fairly hesitant. In fact, I was unsure that I could handle going somewhere new because if it was not living and active it might be the straw that broke the camel's back.
Being that it was Father's Day, we went...to Mars Hill in Seattle. Mark Driscoll preached for about an hour through Neh. 9:1-21. He talked about prayer, confessing sins publicly, familial sins, repentance and through all of this I felt like God was doing 2 things. One, through every aspect of the service from ambiance to people to preaching it felt like a balm soothing my soul. I felt like the desperate thirst I've had was quenched a little bit. Church can be good and beautiful and living and different from the churches I've known.
And two, I felt cut to the core about repentance. I have never heard someone preach so clearly on what repentance is and the counterfeits that we settle for. He mentioned that if we don't repent, it kills our joy, our hope, our family life, our church...I think God was poking me in the side going, "You hear this, right? Listening well?" My sin has been keeping me from God, distrusting his promises, it's been killing my hope. Incidentally, I am mostly a mere confession person. I keep on confessing but hey, I'm gonna keep on sinning that same sin anyways even though I feel bad. Great intentions but little action. I'm guessing this may not come as a surprise to those of you know me well!
So here I am now, figuring out what this means in my life. The first thing I did was repent, truly repent, and by the grace of God I will be changed in my complaining, lies, impatient parenting, and selfishness. Not perfect, but changed. I will strive to keep on repenting not just confessing and living in my sin. And I will give over to God my annoying desire to please others that, when out of balance, tempts me to image manage.
The other big idea for me was that revival comes through repentance, and if I want personal revival or revival in my church it needs to start with repentance. With me, with the leaders, with everyone. I get discouraged when I wonder whether people in church are willing to repent or change, but then, if God can do it in my stubborn heart, anything is possible!
